The Buddha’s LaughForeign Desk · Letters to the Abbot from the Laughing Buddha
Morning WireMonday, November 2, 2026
True Satire
Desk

The Caucasus Desk

Tbilisi, Yerevan and Baku: parliaments, pipelines, peace paperwork and very long toasts. Every capital gets the same treatment.

Monday, November 2, 2026

Cartoon: On a grassy mountain slope a railway track simply stops, and beyond it a lone conductor in a peaked cap stands on the empty roadbed checking his pocket watch beside a long contract scroll unrolled where the rails used to be.
Yerevan

Twelve Years Left to Run

Armenian party leader Aram Sargsyan has asked the Prosecutor General to investigate South Caucasus Railway, the Russian Railways subsidiary that holds the country’s rail concession, asking that his statement be treated as “a report of a suspected criminal offence.” Among his complaints is dismantled infrastructure on about 40 km between Meghri and Kapan. The concession, signed in 2008 for 30 years, still has twelve years to run. On the Meghri to Kapan section, nothing else does.

Sunday, November 1, 2026

Cartoon: A generic lawyer in a plain suit escorts a client up the steps of a plain stone courthouse, then halts at a chalk line on the pavement and waves goodbye as the client walks on alone down a long road toward a distant, unmarked glass building; no flags anywhere.
Baku

Valid at Home Only

Azerbaijan’s Milli Majlis passed a law “On Free Legal Aid” in first reading on 30 October: 14 articles, 14 eligible groups, the bill paid from the state budget. It covers criminal, civil, administrative and Constitutional Court cases. It does not cover defending rights in international organizations. The state will now pay for a lawyer to take on the state anywhere the state also chooses the judges.

Cartoon: A generic official proudly hangs a large calendar on a gas meter in a kitchen while a generic household looks at the meter's dial, which has no markings at all.
Tbilisi

Known at One End

Georgia’s parliament voted 75 to 5 on 29 October to let the energy regulator charge households for gas by how much they burn, a power that lasts until 1 January 2038. “Those who consume more will pay higher tariffs,” said the bill’s sponsor. Asked where higher begins, he said “GNERC sets the tariff and the final price.” The new pricing has a precise end date and no starting point.

Saturday, October 31, 2026

Cartoon: On a single railway track running across a valley, a small generic official carries a short end of a long wooden sleeper while a much larger generic official carries most of it, both glancing at a tall hourglass standing between the rails beside a blank contract on a stool.
Yerevan

One Point Short of Half

Armenia’s parliament ratified the TRIPP transit agreement with the United States on 28 October, 63 votes to 32. A joint company gets 49 years of exclusive rights to the land along about 43 km of Armenian railway, 74% American and 26% Armenian. Renew for another 50 years and Armenia’s stake rises to 49%. The reward for promising the next century is one point short of half.

Friday, October 30, 2026

Cartoon: A city official proudly gestures at an empty riverside lot where nothing stands, while behind him a crane gently lowers a large blank planning sheet whose outline is exactly the shape of a tall hotel.
Tbilisi

No Hotel, Only Zoning

Tbilisi City Hall calls reports of a 10-storey hotel at the Rike Tubes site “completely false”, OC Media reports. It has only an application, lacking any project or design, to rezone the 14,591 sq m plot for business. The state spent GEL 75 million building the tubes and sold them for GEL 10 million; they are now being demolished. Nobody has submitted a hotel, only a request for the zoning a hotel would need.

Thursday, October 29, 2026

Cartoon: A clerk carrying a thick budget folder between two government buildings stops to pick up a fat envelope lying on the pavement, as nobody in either doorway reaches for it.
Baku

Twenty Million, Unclaimed

Azerbaijan’s finance ministry first put 2027 revenues at 39 billion 234 million manats; the draft budget that reached parliament says 39 billion 254 million, APA reports. Spending stayed at 42 billion 400 million, so the deficit cap shrank by exactly 20 million manats. On the way to parliament the budget found 20 million manats, the only sum in it nobody has yet planned to spend.

Wednesday, October 28, 2026

Cartoon: Two generic diplomats in suits sit at a polished table; one holds out a pen toward a thick blank document, while the other, arms folded, has placed a large old bound book on top of the document as a paperweight; no writing, no flags, no titles on anything.
Yerevan

A Refusal, With Attachment

Ararat Mirzoyan, Armenia’s top diplomat, told lawmakers on Wednesday that Armenia is ready to sign the peace treaty initialled with Azerbaijan as soon as possible, and that Baku links signing to changes in Armenia’s constitution, Armenpress reports. The distinction, he said, is that “They are not saying, ‘We demand that you go and change your Constitution.’ They are saying, ‘We will not sign.’” Baku makes no demand, only a refusal with a constitution attached.

Tuesday, October 27, 2026

Cartoon: At a casino card table, a generic croupier in a waistcoat slides a towering pile of chips toward a player who has laid down not cards but a closed blank passport, while the other players at the table hold ordinary cards.
Tbilisi

The Best Hand

Georgia’s parliament has voted 73 to five for a law on international gambling tournaments, defined as events where at least 80% of the players are foreign nationals, Georgia Today reports. Above a prize pool of GEL 3 million, organisers skip the gaming-table fee and foreign winners pay no tax on their winnings; everyone else’s are taxed at 20%. At Georgia’s new tables, the best hand is a foreign passport.

Monday, October 26, 2026

Cartoon: In a tailor's shop, a generic round-faced official in a plain suit stands with arms held out, being measured by a tailor holding a long tape, while he points sternly at an empty coat rack where a single spare tape measure hangs untouched.
Baku

Enough Standard to Go Round

Azerbaijan’s parliament accused France and European institutions of “applying double standards on human rights” and asked the UN to investigate French policing of protests, citing around 2,400 detentions on 17 October. Its grievance is that the EU and Council of Europe go on “strongly criticising human rights violations in Azerbaijan” and spare France. Baku has no quarrel with the standard, only with how few countries get it.

Cartoon: At a new border booth on an empty mountain road, a crate stands neatly stamped and cleared beside the barrier while a line of travellers with suitcases waits behind it, looking at a clerk who shrugs over a blank form.
Yerevan

The Best-Briefed Cargo

Armenia’s foreign minister, Ararat Mirzoyan, said last Wednesday that “prohibited cargo, such as weapons and ammunition, cannot transit” the TRIPP route, an understanding Baku shares. Whether Armenians crossing Azerbaijani territory face the same procedures as those crossing Armenia, he said, “remains to be clarified.” So far the ammunition is the only traveller with complete instructions.

Sunday, October 25, 2026

Cartoon: A government official rides a slow escalator going down, glancing at a distant figure sitting comfortably at the very bottom of the stairwell.
Tbilisi

Catching Up Downward

Freedom House has downgraded Georgia’s internet from Free to Partly Free, the first loss of the rating since 2012, citing authorities who “continued to suppress online activism and speech perceived to be critical” of Georgian Dream. Its score fell to 68 out of 100, from 78 in 2022. Ten points every four years is steady work. At that pace Georgia reaches Russia’s 16 in about two decades.

Cartoon: In an empty gallery, a lone guard in an investigator's coat stands beside framed paintings that each carry a blank evidence tag hanging from the frame, with a velvet rope and no visitors.
Yerevan

Kept Safe, Hung Up

Armenia’s National Gallery is showing about 30 paintings seized by the Investigative Committee from a former finance minister, in an exhibition with no name, no catalogue and no curator. The committee says the works are “material evidence” handed over “for safekeeping”; the family’s lawyers say the display violates their rights. OC Media found no other visitors. Safekeeping now comes with opening hours.

Saturday, October 24, 2026

Cartoon: In a parliament chamber, a caricatured Nikol Pashinyan stands at the rostrum holding a thick blank draft constitution, while behind him rows of generic MPs from his party cheerfully keep their hands down as an empty prime minister's chair waits beside a ballot box.
Yerevan

Large Enough to Fail

Armenia’s ruling Civil Contract holds 64 of 105 seats, six short of the two-thirds needed to send a new constitution to referendum, Yerepouni reports. Nikol Pashinyan says that failing opposition help, “we may try a different solution, such as a snap election.” That requires him to resign and parliament to fail twice to elect a successor. His majority cannot change the constitution, but it is comfortably large enough to fail, twice.

Friday, October 23, 2026

Cartoon: In a courtroom, seven generic judges sit behind a high bench beneath a large hourglass, while four small figures in suits queue at a lectern each holding a single slice cut from one round loaf, and a fifth slice sits uneaten on an empty chair.
Batumi

Three-Quarters of a Day Each

Georgia’s Constitutional Court has set three days to hear a lawsuit by 88 MPs seeking to declare five opposition parties unconstitutional, Georgia Today reports. A European Commission spokesperson saw “a worrying instrumentalization of the judiciary.” One of the five, the Federalist Party, is not taking part. That leaves the other four about three-quarters of a day each to argue that they should exist.

Thursday, October 22, 2026

Cartoon: In a formal hearing room, a panel of faceless generic judges in identical dark robes sits behind a high bench, and in the middle seat a large plain armchair has been swapped for the defendant's own luggage trunk, on which a generic official sits holding a big rubber stamp over a blank file, while a small petitioner waits at the lectern.
Yerevan

The Defendant Votes

Armenia has asked the Russia-led Eurasian Economic Union to rule that Russia’s sweeping bans on Armenian goods this year are illegal barriers, The Moscow Times reports. Economy Minister Gevorg Papoyan says Russia “is obliged to remove them within 30 days” if the union agrees; he says Russia blocked the earlier appeals. The union hears the case on 3 November. The defendant has a veto.

Wednesday, October 21, 2026

Cartoon: In a bare room with plain walls, a caricatured Nikol Pashinyan squints at a blank sheet at a plain wooden lectern while, behind him, an official tiptoes out through a door carrying a cardboard box, and a caricatured Sadyr Japarov at a bare table turns over his blank place card to check it.
Yerevan

No Reason Read Aloud

Nikol Pashinyan has dismissed Armenia’s chief of protocol, whose service oversees the prime minister’s speeches. Reading from a text during a visit by Kyrgyz President Sadyr Japarov, Pashinyan had called his guest “Kazakhstan’s president”. The government has given no reason for the dismissal, OC Media reports. After this week, it may not trust anyone to write one.

Cartoon: Four generic officials in suits proudly present a thick bound report to a small man holding an empty toolbox, while behind them a large figure in a suit, who signed the report too, is left straining alone under the heavy end of a long plank the others have let go of.
Yerevan

Suspension Not Included

Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan have signed a report of over 70 pages on suspending Armenia from the Eurasian Economic Union, OC Media reports; Yerevan says it has broken no obligations and has not decided to leave. By the report’s own figures, 97 to 99% of the lost trade would fall on Russia. It also concedes the treaty has no suspension mechanism. The procedure does not exist, and its chief victim has already signed for it.

Tuesday, October 20, 2026

Cartoon: A caricatured Shalva Papuashvili reads a newspaper calmly in an armchair, while behind him a large clanking machine with gears and a red face stamps blank complaint forms one after another into an overflowing tray.
Tbilisi

Offence on Autopilot

Georgia has given a television host 30 days’ detention for Facebook posts insulting the parliament speaker, Shalva Papuashvili. The case came from the Interior Ministry’s Department for Monitoring Hate Speech and Aggressive Statements, which local media say often acts without a complaint. The speaker says he does not follow individual cases. Georgia has learned to take offence on a politician’s behalf without troubling the politician.

Cartoon: At the edge of a city a caricatured deputy mayor waves a long line of cars into a vast empty car park beside the road, while a single small bus waits to carry everyone the rest of the way to the distant skyline.
Yerevan

Park at the Headline

Yerevan’s deputy mayor, Suren Grigoryan, wants car parks at the Armenian capital’s entrances where drivers from the regions could swap their cars for buses. Amid talk of a ban, he said “I said nothing of the sort” and blamed the headline. Readers, he said, stopped at the headline instead of going in, which is exactly the arrangement he has in mind for their cars.

Monday, October 19, 2026

Cartoon: A caricature of Recep Tayyip Erdoğan beams while holding up a large greetings card, and beside him a caricature of Hakan Fidan gives a thumbs-up, both standing on a small rug that is visibly being pulled apart by two hands from either side.
Baku

Sorrow, Joy and Fine

Azerbaijan marked Restoration of Independence Day on Sunday, and Turkey’s president, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, posted: “We are always united, in sorrow and in joy.” The same JAMnews digest carried a headline from the week: “Fidan says ‘everything is fine’ in Baku, but relations remain strained.” Between the president and his foreign minister, Ankara covered sorrow, joy and fine. Strained was left to the reporters.

Sunday, October 18, 2026

Cartoon: In a vast, empty factory hall, workers in overalls carefully bolt together a long conference table and a row of chairs on the production line where a train carriage should be.
Baku

Assembled Locally

Czech rail maker Škoda Group plans a rolling-stock plant in Azerbaijan following talks on 12 October. There is no investment agreement, no figures, no timeline and no order yet for the 299 metro carriages Baku wants by 2030. Uzbekistan, which signed in April, already knows it is getting 10 trains. Output to date: three meetings since May 2025, all assembled in Baku.

Saturday, October 17, 2026

Cartoon: An official in a suit sweeps a heap of blank wooden word tiles off a television news desk into a sack, while the anchor sits behind the desk with nothing left in front of him but a glass of water.
Tbilisi

Ninety-Three Words

Georgia’s National Communications Commission has barred the critical channels Formula and TV Pirveli from using 93 words and phrases, among them “regime,” “oligarch” and “repressive laws.” It cites the impartiality clause of the broadcasting law, with fines starting at 2,500 lari per channel. The list is the most complete description of the government yet published.

Cartoon: Nikol Pashinyan at his desk gently places a gold-framed document at the near end of a long conveyor belt of desk calendars that stretches out through the office door and into the distance.
Yerevan

Due by 2031

Armenia’s prime minister, Nikol Pashinyan, told his weekly briefing that signing and ratifying a peace agreement with Azerbaijan is the most important task ahead of him. “The specific timeframe is to complete the process by 2031,” he said, adding that this did not mean dropping other agendas. The most important task has been given the longest deadline.

Friday, October 16, 2026

Cartoon: In a Tbilisi government office, an official stamps two of four German grant applications rejected and two approved, while an EU envoy outside holds a membership card made entirely of paper.
Tbilisi

Candidate on Paper

Two of Germany’s four party foundations in Georgia, Adenauer and Naumann, are leaving after officials repeatedly rejected their plans under the new Law on Grants; the other two were cleared to resume. The speaker of parliament linked the Adenauer Foundation to the opposition through Europe’s largest party family. The EU’s enlargement commissioner says Georgia is now “a candidate country only on paper.” The paperwork, at least, is in order.

Cartoon: A government official in a suit proudly unveils a grand engraved nameplate on an empty plot of land where a housing block should be, holding out a single small envelope at arm's length. No other people in the scene.
Tbilisi

A Sofa, Resettled

Georgia’s government is offering families displaced by its old conflicts 10,000 lari, about $3,860, per eligible member instead of a flat, on condition that they give up further support. The official order calls this “long-term resettlement.” As 2025 closed, 45,160 families were still waiting for housing. The government has not explained how it set the figure; the order has at least found a name for it.

Cartoon: On an Armenian railway platform, two officials politely shake hands over a half-empty freight train, each holding the same small ticket, while a working group sets up a table on the tracks.
Yerevan

Not Fixated

Russian Railways has run Armenia’s network under a 30-year concession since 2008, and freight has roughly halved. Armenia’s prime minister and the company’s chief agreed on a working group with a three-month deadline; he says Armenia “is not fixated on taking the concession away from Russia.” The company says it has invested about $400 million and been paid no dividends. Everyone is losing, but politely.

Wednesday, October 14, 2026

Cartoon: A Baku official stands at a locked server room door with a padlock still on its factory tag, glaring at the horizon for foreign hackers.
Baku

The Default Password

More than 100 Azerbaijani government websites came under attack from about 22:00 on 13 October, and the state’s information-security service blamed a “foreign hacking group” without naming a country. Five days earlier another state agency had warned about outdated database software and default login credentials. No link has been reported. The warning, at least, got through.

Cartoon: Armenia's prime minister kneels on a giant map with a tailor's measuring tape and scissors, trimming enclaves into neat matching squares, while a neighbouring official waits holding a rewritten constitution.
Yerevan

Exactly 29,743

Armenia’s prime minister said in a video address that the country should keep exactly 29,743 square kilometres, and that enclaves should be swapped for territory of precisely equal size so there are “no enclaves or exclaves on either side of the border.” Baku still wants Armenia’s constitution changed first; no referendum date is set. Peace in the Caucasus has reached the stage of the tape measure.

Cartoon: At a Russian airport passport desk, a guard in a peaked cap stamps a refusal without looking up, while a sign-free conference room for a friendly regional bloc waits empty beyond the barrier.
Yerevan

Reason Not Known

An Armenian ruling-party MP says she was refused entry to Russia on her way to a CIS committee meeting in Saint Petersburg. She was told her “entry there was prohibited. For what reason, it is not known.” Neither Russia nor the CIS has commented. The commonwealth meets; some of its members attend by being turned away.

Tuesday, October 13, 2026

Cartoon: At a Yerevan council meeting, members raise their hands in unison without looking up from their papers, while a payslip quietly grows taller on the mayor's desk.
Yerevan

Lower, Somehow

Yerevan’s city council set the mayor’s monthly pay at no less than 2,080,000 drams from January, up from 1,320,000, and approved it “without discussion.” The ruling party’s leader on the council said the total would end up lower than current pay with bonuses, but gave no figures. A raise that lowers the pay is the kind of arithmetic best done without debate.

Monday, October 12, 2026

Cartoon: In the Armenian parliament, a minister stands behind a towering pyramid of reusable thermoses and tote bags, assuring deputies that the total will be calculated later.
Yerevan

Sixteen Thousand Thermoses

Armenia’s parliament ratified the agreement to host the COP17 biodiversity conference, with a $2,166,855 payment to the UN secretariat. An opposition deputy listed the merchandise: 16,500 thermoses at 7,800 drams each, 19,700 lanyards and 16,500 eco-bags. The deputy foreign minister said procurement followed UN standards and the total would come after the conference. Biodiversity will be protected, starting with a very large number of thermoses.

Saturday, October 10, 2026

Cartoon: A Russian inspector in a white coat pours Georgian wine and mineral water down a drain, clipboard empty, while a calendar on the wall has no end date circled.
Tbilisi

A Temporary Measure, Indefinitely

Russia has suspended products from seven Georgian companies, among them wine and mineral water makers, as a “temporary sanitary measure” from 9 October with no end date. The order cites a food-safety rule without saying which requirement was broken, and instructs that “immediate measures must be taken to remove them from circulation.” The hygiene problem is specified only as Georgian.

Friday, October 9, 2026

Cartoon: At a seaside summit group photo, three leaders link arms for the cameras, one smiling and two holding on a little more tightly than the third would like.
Avaza

No Way to Separate Us

At a summit of the Commonwealth of Independent States in Turkmenistan, video released by the Belarusian side caught the leaders joking during the group photo. Azerbaijan’s president told Armenia’s prime minister, “There’s no way to separate us.” Belarus’s president added, “Where is he going to run from us?” The friendliest line of the summit, and the least reassuring.