Wisely Not Given a Nose

Dear Abbot,

Monk here.

The first Monday of November. A week of inspectors, and of people politely declining to be inspected.

MANILA. In Manila, the DICT’s Consumer Complaint Center logged 6,800 complaints before the 1326 hotline opened and 18,553 after, a rise of 172.8%. Its performance report claims a 100% resolution rate in both periods.

Every problem was solved, before and after. What the hotline cured was the quiet.

The boy has dialled the number.

“It rang once and I was resolved.”

“Then you are in the report.”

“As a complaint or as a solution?”

“Both. The department counts you twice and is proud of you each time.”

DAVAO. In Davao, UP Mindanao has built AIDurian, which judges a durian by scanning it and listening to it instead of the old tapping: over 80% accurate on ripeness, 93% on defects, nearly 98% on counting the segments inside.

It sees the fruit, hears the fruit and counts the fruit. It has wisely not been given a nose.

ANKARA. In Ankara, at the Turkic states’ summit on 30 October, Kazakhstan’s President Kassym-Jomart Tokayev proposed inviting Russia in through an “OTS+” format or as an observer. “To enhance the standing of our Organization, it would be a right and fair decision to respond positively.” Russia has made no public announcement of plans to join.

Astana has drafted the yes. Moscow has yet to send the question.

ASHGABAT. In Ashgabat, Turkmenistan’s deputy foreign minister met the IMF’s mission chief on 28 October, seven weeks after the Fund’s board found that Turkmenistan had withheld data on its reserves, its gold and its balance of payments, a failure that “could not be explained by a lack of capacity.” The ministry’s statement did not mention the finding.

The account of the meeting about missing data was missing the data.

DUSHANBE. In Tajikistan, President Emomali Rahmon has barred most inspections of small and medium businesses until 1 January 2029. Tax inspectors may still call. Inspections were restricted in 2008, 2011, 2018 and 2022, and halted in January 2025.

The moratorium is the only check in the country that turns up on a reliable schedule.

ULAANBAATAR. In Ulaanbaatar, the Prime Minister, Uchral Nyam-Osor, toured Thermal Power Plants No. 3 and No. 4 and heard that 92.5% of his spring tasks were done. The central grid has 1,797 megawatts installed against a forecast winter peak of 1,956. Imports from China and a new plant add 150. Russia covers the rest. Tariffs, the government says, will not rise.

Come January, a frozen tariff is less a promise than a forecast.

The seventy-third chapter of the Tao Te Ching keeps a net for heaven: vast, its mesh wide, and nothing slips through. This week every capital kept a fine net full of holes, each cut by decree. Ashgabat stepped round the Fund’s. Dushanbe cut a hole for small business and stitched the tax office back across it. Astana offered to widen the mesh for a fish that had not swum near. Manila caught three times the fish and released them all. Heaven’s net loses nothing because nobody is allowed to choose where it is thin.

Complaints: 18,553, all resolved. Reserves: unreported. Durian: graded by ear.

Yours, from the wide part of the net,

The Monk